the day before thanksgiving

**meaning things that i will actually buy and not just wish**

• bonnet - black, white, beige
• gloves- white
• fleece jacket - something to wear on a "casual" day
• pea coat - for office or interview or whatever formalish/professionalish thingy
• boots - black AND beige

the reason i have to buy those is because it's really starting to get so ass-freezing cold! sometimes, my body is warm (thanks to my super greatly priced jacket) but my legs aren't! plus, i'll be going to the macy's thanksgiving parade tomorrow and i heard that it'll be super cold. keith told me that it'll snow. the DJ on the radio said that it would be a good idea to really really be covered and all bundled up. huhuhu. i hope i get "warm" enough!

on an emotional note ... i'm depressed but trying to cheer up. i don't want everyone to get into my quicksand-like emotion pool. j/k. so yeah ... i'm very homesick ... especially that christmas is like a month away. my first EVER christmas away from my family. but i'm super duper duper thankful for keith who never left my side and for always doing everything to make me feel better. he's always been there no matter what kinda isht life throws at us. he didn't give up. didn't cut communication. didn't go out with anyone and proved himself. so ... thanks keith ¤=)

thanks also, to the people i've been talking to (email, YM, friendster message, text, phone) ... you guys make me feel better ... mama, jc, brian, ate kaye, tita lu, actually all my cousins, zein, nap, eia, vinz, len (marion's gf), penny, maan, ivan, debster, jaline, tiffany, elaine, trina, kathy boom, kat, wal, berlin, marion, cathy, ria m, ria c, markie, jf, dana, and many more. i love you guys!! (if i forgot to name someone ... i'm sorry! i'm just really crazy these past few days.)

i woke up at 4:40 AM!

my usual wake up time is 5:30. but but but but but ... someone was buzzing and sending me messages through YM that woke me up. so since i already woke up, i thought i might as well check who woke me up. i found out it was my brother, JC.

you might ask why? he was asking me to help him with a geometry related homework.

now, i'm still sleepy!! i wanna go back to sleep but i might not be able to wake up on time. so, nevermind. i'll just fix my stuff.

i wish ...

... i wasn't too paranoid
... i'm a mind reader
... i'd stop thinking too much
... i'd stop interpreting things
... i can just blurt out whatever is on my mind
... i can get what i want, when i want it
... life wasn't a bitch.

pandora's box

i don't know what's better ... to know something or not?

there you are ... innocently browsing through stuff ... not expecting to find something. but then **booooolaaaaagaaaaaa** you see something that gets you all worked up. the trouble with you snooping around is ... are you ready to face whatever it is that you stumble upon? would you be able to ignore things? would you be able to let your "smart" aka logic take over your head instead of your paranoia? how can you control things like that? another problem with stumbling on things that doesn't really make you feel secure is you can't take it back. you can't turn back time nor pretend that nothing happened. once you've crossed that line, there's no going back.

and now, you're stuck with something that you don't know how to deal with. in these situations, is the best to ignore what you saw coz it's probably nothing, or to probe deep into it to make sure it's really nothing? coz if it's really nothing ... probing shouldn't be a problem, right?

damn. sana forever akong bata. para walang problema.

love and the simple things

Pussycat Dolls - Stickwitu
Provided by VideoCodes4U.com

it's very rare that you will find someone who will be truly madly deeply in love with you. so when you do, hold on to that someone who will be sincere and offers you their everything ... soul, mind, body. don't let go of that someone who will not hold back and will exert every effort to be with you. make sure to let that person know how you feel, either tell them or show them. an intense look into their eyes or an enchanting smile can do wonders to your relationship. a simple squeeze of the hand would let them know you care. a relaxing wrap of your arms or warm hug can let them know you care so much. a soft kiss on the forehead or cheek can let them know you love them. remember, it's the simple things in life that will make you unforgettably special.

facade

no matter how sad i get ... i can't show that emotions got the best of me. i can't show tears. i can't afford to be weak. no evidence of depression. definitely no emotional breakdown. i have to be tough ... be strong, be optimistic and be prepared for everyone. that's how i should be.

... at the end of the day though, i'm still a little girl at heart. longing to be with her family. putting on a happy face and pretending to have strong spirits to be the source of strength of others. there are times i can't hold back the tears. i still cry in my bed, til i just drift into sleep and live my dreams.

mine is 6! i'm the romantic type!

Your birth date describes who you are, what you're good at, and what your inborn abilities are. It also points to what you have to learn and the challenges you are facing.

To figure out your Birth Number, add all the numbers in the birth date together, like in the example, until there is only one digit. A Birth Number does not prevent you from being anything you want to be; it will just color your choice differently and give you a little insight.
Example: March 20, 1950
3 + 20 + 1950 =1973
1 + 9 + 7 + 3 =20
2 + 0 =2
2 is the Birth Number to read for the birth date in the example.

#1 THE ORIGINATOR
#2 THE PEACEMAKER
#3 THE LIFE OF THE PARTY
#4 THE CONSERVATIVE
#5 THE NONCONFORMIST
#6 THE ROMANTIC
#7 THE INTELLECTUAL
#8 THE BIG SHOT
#9 THE PERFORMER
---
# 1 - THE ORIGINATOR
1's are originals. Coming up with new ideas and executing them is natural. Having things their own way is another trait that gets them as being stubborn and arrogant. 1's are extremely honest and do well to learn some diplomacy skills. They like to take the initiative and are often
leaders or bosses.
---
#2 - THE PEACEMAKER
2's are the born diplomats. They are aware of others' needs and moods and often think of others before themselves. Naturally analytical and very intuitive they don't like to be alone. Friendship
and companionship is very important and can lead them to be successful in life.
---
# 3 - THE LIFE OF THE PARTY
3's are idealists. They are very creative, social, charming, romantic, and easygoing. They start many things, but don't always see them through. They like others to be happy and go to great
lengths to achieve it. They are very popular and idealistic.
---
# 4 - THE CONSERVATIVE
4's are sensible and traditional. They like order and routine. They only act when they fully understand what they are expected to do. They like getting their hands dirty and working hard. They are attracted to the outdoors and feel an affinity with nature.
---
# 5 - THE NONCONFORMIST
5's are the explorers. Their natural curiosity, risk taking, and enthusiasm often land them in hot water. They need diversity, and don't like to be stuck in a rut. The whole world is their school and they see a learning possibility in every situation.
---
# 6 - THE ROMANTIC
6's are idealistic and need to feel useful to be happy. A strong family connection is important to them. Their actions influence their decisions. They have a strong urge to take care of others and to help. They are very loyal and make great teachers. They like art or music. They make loyal friends who take the friendship seriously. 6's should learn to differentiate between what they can change and what they cannot.
---
# 7 - THE INTELLECTUAL
7's are the searchers. Always probing for hidden information, they find it difficult to accept things at face value. Emotions don't sway their decisions. Questioning everything in life, they don't like to be questioned themselves. They're never off to a fast start, and their motto is slow and steady wins the race.
---
# 8 - THE BIG SHOT
8's are the problem solvers. They are professional, blunt and to the point, have good judgment and are decisive. They have grand plans and like to live the good life. They take charge of people. They view people objectively. They let you know in no uncertain terms that they are the boss.
---
#9 - THE PERFORMER
9's are natural entertainers. They are very caring and generous, giving away their last dollar to help. With their charm, they have no problem making friends and nobody is a stranger to them.

lessons in life from a tree

Lessons on Life

There was a man who had four sons. He wanted his sons to learn not to judge things too quickly. So he sent them each on a quest, in turn, to go and look at a pear tree that was a great distance away.

The first son went in the winter, the second in the spring, the third in summer, and the youngest son in the fall.

When they had all gone and come back, he called them together to describe what they had seen.

The first son said that the tree was ugly, bent, and twisted.


The second son said no it was covered with green buds and full of promise.


The third son disagreed; he said it was laden with blossoms that smelled so sweet and looked so beautiful, it was the most graceful thing he had ever seen.


The last son disagreed with all of them; he said it was ripe and drooping with fruit, full of life and fulfillment.


The man then explained to his sons that they were all right, because they had each seen but only one season in the tree's life.

He told them that you cannot judge a tree, or a person, by only one season, and that the essence of who they are and the pleasure, joy, and love that come from that life can only be measured at the end, when all the seasons are up.

If you give up when it's winter, you will miss the promise of your spring, the beauty of your summer, fulfillment of your fall.


Moral lessons:

Don't let the pain of one season destroy the joy of all the rest.
Don't judge life by one difficult season.
Persevere through the difficult patches and better times are sure to come some time or later

** i got this from a forwarded email

my christmas wish list

- movie from my family ... like greetings and messages (something to look at when i'm missing them)
- black boots
- coat/jacket/sweater (i can't have enough of these! i always see something i like!)
- complete DVD set of TV shows: Sex & the City, Smallville, Buffy, Meteor Garden 1 & 2,

- Cyber-shot® DSC-M1 Digital Camera DSC-M1

- Lord of the Rings complete DVD set
- ticket to the philippines along with paid 1 month vacation (hohum)
- car (right ... as if i could have this at this moment)
- house (hahaha ... now this is really a wish) ... ok fine, i'll settle for a condo or apartment now

why

Why can't I just be secure? Why do I always feel inferior to the girls in your life? Why is my heart letting me be jealous even if my mind is telling me not to be? Why am I letting these fears hold me back from committing?

a thought

it makes a person feel bad to hear things in the background then when asked what that was ... be told that it's nothing and goodbye.

and i - ciara

Click here to launch music video

1. AND I

video code provided by singingfool.com

crying again

i was looking at the pix in my computer ... then when i saw these pictures, memories flooded my head ... i cried.

this picture was at my uncle's birthday last july. i wasn't able to spend that day with them coz i'm here in NY. my lola looked so happy. i loved the way she's smiling here. she was really really enjoying my uncle's arms around her.


this was taken last feb 19 ... my birthday. it was truly special coz not only will i not be able to spend my birthday with my family anymore ... my lola won't be there anymore. we won't be able to taste her super sarap luto again .. like the super sikat and anticipated lengua.

i was born february

Pick the MONTH that you were born in & put it on the SUBJECT LINE. They might understand you better.

JANUARY:

Stubborn and hard-hearted. Ambitious and serious. Loves to teach and be taught. Always looking at people's flaws and weaknesses. Likes to criticize. Hardworking and productive. Smart, neat and or ganized. Sensitive and has deep thoughts. Knows how to make others happy. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Rather reserved. Highly attentive. Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds. Romantic but has difficulties expressing love. Loves children. Loyal. Has great social abilities yet easily jealous. Very Stubborn and money cautious.
_______________________________________________

FEBRUARY:

Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive. Sexy. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest and loyal. Determined t! o reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislike unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizing dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.
_________________________________

MARCH:

Attractive personality. Sexy. Affectionate. Shy and reserved. Sensative. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity. Aggressive when provoked. Sensitive to others. Loves to help others. Not easily angered. Trustworthy. Defends others. Appreciative and returns kindness. Observant and assesses others. Varied interests. Loves to dream and fantasize. Loves traveling. Loves attention. Strong belief system. Hasty in trusting others. Loves home decors. Musically talented.Depends on friends. Loves special things. Moody and easily hurt. A giving lover. Very loyal. Deep Thinker. Feels deeply. A roman! tic. Loves to be loved. Thrifty. Loves down time alone.
________________________________

APRIL:

Active and dynamic. Decisive and haste but tends to regret. Attractive and affectionate to oneself. Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic. Consoling, friendly and solves people's problems. Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous. Emotional. Aggressive. Hasty. Good memory. Moving Motivates oneself and others. Sickness usually of the head and chest. Sexy in a way that only their lover can see.
_________________________________

MAY:

Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves traveling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Not having many children. Hardworking. High spirited. Spendthrift. _________________________________

JUNE:

Thinks far with vision. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having lots of ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Abiding. Able to show character. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Brand conscious. Executive. Stubborn.
_________________________________

JULY:

Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in one self. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people's feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Loves to be alone. Always broods about the past and the old friends. Likes to be quiet. Homely person. Waits for friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Prone to having stomach and dieting problems. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long to recover.
_________________________________

AUGUST:

Loves to joke. Attractive. Suave and caring. Brave and fearless. Firm and has leadership qualities. Knows how to console others. Too generous and egoistic. Takes high pride of oneself. Thirsty for praises. Extraordinary spirit. Easily angered. Angry when provoked. Easily jealous. Observant. Careful and cautious. Thinks quickly. Independent thoughts. Loves to lead and to be led. Loves to dream. Talented in the arts, music and defense. Sensitive but not petty. Poor resistance against illnesses. Learns to relax. Hasty and trusty. Romantic. Loving and caring. Loves to
make friends
_________________________________

SEPTEMBER

Suave and compromising. Careful, cautious and organized. Likes to point out people's mistakes. Likes to criticize. Stubborn. Quiet but able to talk well. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal but not always honest. Does work well. Very confident. Sensitive. Thinking generous. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Must control oneself when criticizing. Able to motivate oneself. Understanding. Fun to be around. Secretive. Loves sports, leisure and traveling. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Very choosy, especially in relationships. Systematic.

_________________________________

OCTOBER:

Loves to chat. Loves those who loves them. Loves to takes things at the center. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn't pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care of what others think. Emotional. Decisive. Strong clairvoyance. Loves to travel, the arts and literature. Touchy and easily jealous. Concerned. Loves outdoors. Just and fair. Spendthrift. Easily influenced. Easily loses confidence. Loves children.
_________________________________

NOVEMBER:

Has a lot of ideas. Difficult to fathom. Thinks forward. Unique and brilliant. Extraordinary ideas. Sharp thinking. Fine and strong clairvoyance. Can become good doctors. Dynamic in personality. Secretive. Inquisitive. Knows how to dig secrets. Always thinking. Less talkative but amiable. Brave and generous. Patient. Stubborn and hard-hearted. If there is a will, there is a way. Determined. Never give up. Hardly becomes angry unless provoked. Loves to be alone. Thinks differently from others. Sharp-minded. Motivates oneself. Does not appreciates praises. High-spirited. Well-built and tough. Deep love and emotions. Romantic. Uncertain in relationships. Homely. Hardworking. High abilities. Trustworthy. Honest and keeps secrets. Not able to control emotions. Unpredictable _________________________________

DECEMBER:

Loyal and generous. Sexy. Patriotic. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Loves to socialize. Loves praises. Loves attention. Loves to be loved. Honest and trustworthy. Not pretending. Short tempered. Changing personality. Not egoistic. Take high pride in oneself. Hates restrictions. Loves to joke. Good sense of humor. Logical

complications of relationships

the time or length of a relationship can never really be the basis of the success or strength of the love of the couple.

one of my good friends have been with her bf for 4 yrs ... but they just broke up coz the guy cheated on her. she saw the text message of #2 saying "we'd be happier if *name* is gone" ... something like that. i don't know what went on in the relationship that brought about the cheating but there's a couple of things i'm sure of

it hurts like hell to be cheated on

the guilt for the cheater is also a killer (except if he/she has no conscience)

it's hard to get over the person or 'move on' ... it would take a long time

the pain or situation cannot be ignored by just merely going out or dating other people coz sooner or later, the feelings will haunt you ... and when it resurfaces again, it ain't a pretty picture (especially when you're with someone else already)

i told my friend some of my opinions ... some of which are based on personal experiences. i hope she gets through it. she deserves a much much better person.

it's scary to think that people who have been in love for so long can just suddenly have a change of heart in just a snap. you think that he or she is the one ... you are sure coz everything fell in place ... you are sure coz he/she is everything you ever dreamed of ... you are sure coz he/she is perfect then you get married. then kaboom ... he/she's gone.

often, you can't explain what happened or maybe you've been too blind to see that the relationship is really going astray. i'll be leaving you guys with lines from kelly price's song ... you should've told me.

It's funny that I never thought about it that way
I never knew the things that I did not say
But you were lonely and you were hungry
And I was living in my own world
Thinking I'm a perfect lady

You should've told me
I wasn't smart enough
You should've told me
I didn't call enough
But you led me on
And kept me going
And we never should've wasted this time
You should've told me
I wasn't wild enough
You should've told me
I didn't smile enough
What you had in my mind
Made me lose my mind
And we never should've wasted this time

When it was time for work didn't see you off
When your tense didn't give a massage
I never told you I think you're hot

When you thought you had to lie
Why didn't you come and tell me why?
Didn't you see those tears I cried?
Oh why?

morning tears

when i got in the office, i went through my normal routine. part of which is reading the emails i got after i left the office the day before. when i saw an email from my cousin (Ate Kaye), i got excited. (i love getting email from my family!) we have been talking about a lot of things lately. her last email had this in the last part though ...

"miss ka na rin namin! tom is lola belen's 40th day :) ... tapos sa birthday nya sa dec 17 magpaparty kme sa loyola hehe :) "

... it made me really sad. i feel so helpless that i can't be with them. i told my officemate (Marion) that i wanna go home. she asked if i was feeling sick, i said "no, i'm just too sad". i was actually on the verge of crying. then i told her about my cousin's email and she said if it makes me feel any better, on my grandma's bday ... we could have a toast in her memory. she said that she doesn't want me feeling too sad. then marsha (another officemate) came up to us and said that she'll also toast with us. then i really cried. (this is my first time to cry at the office with someone seeing me. coz usually, when i cry in the office, i make no one can see me)

afterwhich we had a discussion about death and life. that death is something to be happy about, and life to be something mourned. coz our loved ones who've passed away are relieved of the pain and/or sickness that made them suffer when they were alive.

anyway, i just feel so sad that my family is having a lot of gatherings ... they're gonna get together for my grandma's 40th day and her birthday. plus, they're gonna have our yearly reunion during christmas and new year ... ¤=(

the only gift that would make me super duper uuuuuuber happy this christmas is a plane ticket to the philippines. or have all my family go here, and i mean all ... my mom, brothers, grandpa, cousins, aunts & uncles, sis/bro/cousin of my grandparents.

**sensha na ... album moment itoh. hehe. (pictures are from Christmas 2004)

relay game


dede game




presentations





posing for the camera








manyakan blues



inuman time





aguinaldo giving

my gosh, it will be a long time bago ko makasama ulit family ko for christmas. =(

oct 31-nov 1

before, we usually celebrate november 1 just sa bahay lang coz ala pa kami vinivisit sa cemetery. but this year was different. since my grandma passed away over a month ago, we can visit someone na. but unfortunately, i'm not in pinas so all i did was call them and talk to them.



my little cousins were so funny. when i talked to them, most of the time it was about the fights and nagsusumbong sila sa akin. my 3 yr old cousin (accdg to another cousin) wanted to kiss the monitor of the computer coz they can see me through webcam.



i told nicole (the 3 yr old) that i miss her and to tell my brother to turn the webcam on. she asked me "bakit gusto mo ko makita?". i told her, "miss kita eh". then she said "uwi ka na lang dito para makita mo ko". o di ba, bargaining aka mala-sales talk/convincing coming from a 3 year old! cutie! hehe.