may my grandma rest in peace

after i made the last entry, i went to church with my grandpa & aunt. we then bought breakfast and i picked up some other relatives/friends who needed a ride to the hospital. so anyway, when we got to the hospital around 9:30ish am, my grandma was sound asleep. then my mom, aunt & grandpa's sister who stayed overnight at the hospital told me that my other cousin went to visit around 11:30, my grandma's bro at around 12, then an uncle at around 3. since those visits, she was sound asleep.

after having breakfast, we prayed the rosary. a doctor came in and kinda re-discussed the possibilities/options with my grandma ... all of which includes some sort of making a whole to drain the water filling up her lungs. incidentally, my grandparents & their kids already discussed this. my grandma doesn't want any tube sticking in her or something. she said that she's gonna die anyway so just let her "leave" in a natural way. plus she doesn't want machines keeping her "alive" coz it's not really living, it's just prolonging the inevitable. she doesn't even want to get the electric shock thingy.

so anyway, at around 1ish pm, my cousins, uncle and grandma's sister came. they brought lunch so we cramped ourselves in the room and ate. then after eating, some went out to the sofa which was conveniently placed outside our room ("lucky" us!) while i was eating my pansit, we noticed that the oxygen level (supposedly kept 90 or above) & the heartbeat rate were both going down. i finished my food then my ate kaye and i were holding each other's hand while the other hand is holding my grandma's foot. while all this was happening, we were praying the rosary. the oxygen & heart beat continued to go down, all of us were crying. i was next to the ECG machine so i was really monitoring it. my mind was racing. when i saw it hit the 20s, i was crying so hard. then it hit the 10s when i looked at it. next thing i saw, there was a flat line. when i looked around the room, everyone was super crying.

we started sending messages and calling our other relatives that my lola passed away. amazingly, everyone came as if they just live super near ... they all got to the hosp quick. we all kissed & hugged my grandma. me & my cousins were hugging & comforting each other.

when we were outside, i heard stories that either gave me goosebumps or made me cry. here are some of 'em ...
- my lolo was telling my lola something like "i thought we were going at the same time?"
- when my grandma can still move and talk, she told her sister (whose birthday is sept 25) that she's gonna prepare for a party/feast for her birthday
- my grandma told my cousin/aunt last monday that there's gonna be a lot of people on sunday (sept 25 ... the day she passed away)

my cousins and i were worried about my grandpa. but he seemed that he's actually handling it pretty well. but then just a couple of minutes ago, my mom and i went down to check on my grandpa. he was crying. he says he misses my grandma. though he knows that she's in a better place and she is not in any pain, he still misses her and longs for her. imagine ... 53+ years of being married. that's the kind of marriage i want ... solid. i know they had really bad times, but when i say solid, i mean, they always stick by each other. they always found a way to work things out and be with each other. they had a love that is really pure and powerful.

part of me is happy that my grandma is in a better place ... that she's watching over us ... that she has no more pain. i kinda feel relieved that she passed away that way ... in her sleep. at least, she wasn't in pain when she left. she was happy yesterday and was even communicating. but, i'm sad coz she's no longer with us and i can't tell her fortunate i feel that i grew up with her. well, i hope she knows i love her very much.