HOMESICK!!!

my saturday started out quite well. i chatted with good friends and spent quality time at home ... in the morning. then for lunch, we had to go to a birthday party of tita nimia's uncle (i think). so, there we were at queens, i was surrounded with people who are all related to each other. they were catching up with each other's lives ... asking how each were, etc. and there i was, in one corner, looking at them, smiling at them. i try to be cheerful and all, but deep inside, i feel sooooooooooooo jealous. at one point, they were taking pictures of each other by batch. meaning, first the celebrant and the siblings, then the celebrant and the nephews/nieces plus the spouses, then the celebrant and all the relatives. i was trying so hard not to cry.

I MISS MY FAMILY SO MUCH.

that was how we were before. we always catch up on each other's lives (even if we see each other almost every week), take pictures, make fun of each other, talk loud, laugh loud ... well, you get the picture. i miss them.




to make things worse, we went to another gathering after that. again, a family thing. i was by myself ... i didn't want to mingle coz at some level, it felt like i would be betraying my family if i did ( which i know would not be the truth if i did, but it sorta didn't feel right ... gets?)

oh well, the day ended with me isolating myself from the world coz of my depression. i've cried so many times today. i sometimes go to the bathroom just to cry (and get away from a family sight). i almost always cry every night, but this saturday ... i cried morning, noon, afternoon, and night. oh well. life.