i'm an ingrate ... kill me now.

22 years and 1 month ... i've been with 2 remarkable people, my grandparents. my whole life was spent with them by my side. my lolo and lola really took care of me and my 2 brothers.

my lolo helped me when i was in elementary, he was my tutor. (which at that time i hated coz he was so strict, but now ... i'm so thankful) it was because of my lolo that i love math. he showed me how to do things easier. also, he ws the one who picked me up from school before. i can still remember, i become grouchy when he's not there when i come out from school.

my lola took care of our health. she made sure we eat healthy food, but being the bad kids we were, we sneak and eat junkfood. whenever we crave for something, next thing we know ... she's serving it for dinner. my lola never fails to put the stuff we want in the fridge. she really looked out for us. she would often defend me when my mom or my lolo is scolding me. she was my forever saviour.

they're the ones who often go to the market and buy the food to be cooked for the week. often, they're also the ones cleaning up after a meal. though they're old already, my grandparents still do some laundry (with the washing machine of course). oftentimes, when i stay out late, i'd find them waiting for me when i get home. then they're gonna tell me that they waited for me coz they were worried about me. when i'm sick, they'd go up to my room even if they're really having a hard time going up and down the stairs. they'd still check up on me, bring me food and medicine for me to get well.

until recently, i didn't realize how disappointingly ingrateful i am for everything they've done. i took for granted the goodness they've done for me. i stayed out late and wouldn't tell them where i'm going or what time i'll be home. i got them worried all the time. i don't usually help out around the house since i'm rarely home.

now, my lola is sick. she has cyst in her liver. my mom and her siblings will be discussing if she should be operated or not. my lola doesn't want to be operated coz she says she's too old for that and the operation might just put her in a coma. btw, she is 78 already. after my mom, her siblings and spouses discuss it, they're gonna talk to my lola.

i feel really bad, i'm not with them. at least give some sort of moral support. i'm here in new york, they're all in manila. i feel so worthless being so far away. i can't even show them now how i much i appreciate them. i don't have the chance to show them that i really really really love them and care for them.