why is life hard?? hohum.

i woke up with this chest-choking feeling. i feel sad. i'll be alone for a week coz they are going to delaware for a vacation ... and since i have to freakin' work, i can't come with them. i'm gonna be stuck here. damn it. though they're still here right now, preparin their stuff for the trip ... i feel the loneliness already. what more when they already left?hohum. (and to think one of my hatest feeling & fear is being alone ... great.)

that's just one of the things making me feel bad, another of course is my grandmother's condition. she's in the hospital right now (for those who don't know, my grandmother has 4th stage/terminal cancer of the liver that is now spreading to her kidney; she along with the rest of my family are in the philippines, and i'm so far away ... in new york). she's becoming weaker and weaker everyday according to my mom. they had to bring her to the hospital coz her body refuses the stuff she eats and just throws it back up. she's been there for a couple of days now.

another thing, being caught between situations. you are close to someone who's having a problem with someone you are also friends with. this has been happening to me since high school. i'd have different sets of friends who don't like each other. one set tells me they hate the other set, the other set would tell me they can't stand the other one. damn it.

then, i also have to really save now. no more spending. i need to be smart with my money if i really wanna have funds for airplane fare to the philippines.

takteng buhay toh! lech!