So scared

There's this show on NBC and WE TV called Baby Borrowers. It's being tagged as an "Innovative Birth Control", but seriously ... it's like a huge experiment. There are five young couples who took on the challenge, and along with them ... five families (each stage) willing to "lend their child". There are five stages in this experiment: Babies, Toddler, Pre-teen, Teens, Senior. Each stage is composed of 3 days.

I didn't see the first stage but I will record it and watch it later on. I did see a quick recap of the first stage when I watched the second episode (Toddler). Wow.

Although I took care of my little cousins from time to time when I was back home, it was never for more than 10 hours of it just being me and the kids. In the show, it was just the young couple and the kid (well, there was a shadow nanny ... who's like a professional nanny just watching over the young couple. the parents are also watching but through a camera).

Let me tell you ... the show was powerful ... at least for me. There were times when the young couples were getting frustrated because the kid wouldn't go to sleep, wouldn't eat, wouldn't stop crying (both home and in a public place), wouldn't go to the potty but just go right there and then (sometimes straight to the couch), wouldn't stay still, etc. ... I freaked out. I DO NOT WANT TO BE A MOTHER yet. I do someday when I meet the right guy to be a great husband and amazing father to my children ... but there in no way, shape or form will I have a child in the next 2 or 3 years.

But then again, there were also sweet and warm moments that made me go "awwwwww!!". The moments were so tender and it just made me well up. The kid was crying like hell and the "mommy" took the kid to the living room and they were just hanging out and she was comforting the kid, then they both fell asleep on the couch. Then the following morning, the "mommy" called her mom coz I guess she was very stressed and she needed comfort. She cried while talking to her mom and was hiding her face. The kid was trying to peek then when she got off the phone, the lil kid in his sweet lil voice said "why are you crying?" then she said "coz I miss my mom. I haven't spoken to her in 2 weeks". Then the kid said something which I didn't quite get but it was something in the lines of "don't worry". Then they had a blast the whole afternoon. I'm a sucker for sweet moments.

Bottomline ... I am scared to have kids. Even when I do get married and will start my own family, I think I will still be scared. I am very scared to have kids. My co-workers were laughing at my facial expression when they were talking about their kids and potty training and stuff. I am scared. Did I tell you I'm scared? Yeah, I'm scared to have kids.